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The
Seventh Sense? Not Even Close
It's
happened a hundred times before. Some writer in Hollywood, exhausted
from reading all of the bad reviews |
his
latest blockbuster flop received from the critics, takes a trip to
the movies to see how the other half lives.
After
shelling out the $8 and watching the latest Oscar nominee, the
writer leaves the movie theater with a new lease on life, silently
thinking to himself, "That was good--but I can make it better."
And
that thought, my fellow men, is what we have to blame for our silent
longing to hear John Williams music while we were snoozing through
"Deep Blue Sea."
It
is also at fault for all of the emotion-less, beer-less, Rene
Russo-less attempts Disney made at upstaging "Major League."
And
it is also the culprit behind the latest blockbuster copycat,
Paramount Pictures' "Bless The Child," which hit movie
theaters on August 11. It might just be bad eyesight, but I checked a
few times, and nowhere in the credit listing did I see M. Night
Shyamalan's name.
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The
basic plot line is as such: six-year-old Cody (played by Holliston
Coleman) is an autistic child who was left by her mother on her Aunt
Maggie's (played by Kim Basinger) doorstep when she was just a
newborn. The child's birth falls on a day very symbolic in the Bible,
and when Cody's mother's new husband, Eric (played extremely
unconvincingly by Rufus Sewell), who also just happens to serve
Satan, discovers this, he comes after her with a vengeance. |
Kim
Bassinger |
The
one bright spot in this flick is the return to the police station by
ex-"NYPD Blue" actor Jimmy Smits. Smits plays John Travis,
an ex-priest-turned-cop who specializes in ritualistic crimes. Travis
helps Maggie track down her niece once Eric kidnaps her.
In
theory, the movie could have worked. Sure, the plot was largely
unbelievable. But then again, so was "The Sixth Sense."
However, what will keep "The Sixth Sense" on a short list
of the greatest horror movies of all time is the same thing that will
relegate "Bless The Child" to USA's "Up All Night"
sometime in the near future. While "The Sixth Sense" cast
received
numerous Oscar and Golden Globe nominations for outstanding
performance, the acting in "Bless The Child," besides that
of Jimmy Smits, makes you wonder when rehearsal is over and the real
movie starts.
Granted,
the plots differ slightly. Cody is trying to fight off the demons of
hell, while Cole Sear is fighting off his own personal demons. But
come on. They couldn't make it too obvious, could they? And besides,
if you throw out all the extra stuff, what you're basically left with
is a kid who has a gift that no one else has, and an adult with
problems of his or her own trying to help him out.
And
let's face it: Holliston Coleman is no Haley Joel Osment. And, while
she may have an Oscar, Kim Basinger has never uttered words as
immortal as "Yipee-ki-yay, mother fucker."
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