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Men
are pigs. Just ask any woman, and they'll tell you. They know this
instinctively. Those that don't are quickly "educated" by
every woman she ever comes in contact with. It takes a bit more
maturation for men to accept this fact, though. Something seems
intrinsically wrong with admitting and accepting comparison to
barnyard swine, no matter how one-sided the proof. |
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Instead
of simply admitting men and women are different, and men do tend to
fall a little on the base side, men go to great lengths to prevent
ridicule and discussion around the water cooler, in hair salons and
other places women gather. What results is a male subculture where
men do things on the sly and hope the Missus doesn't find out.
Sure,
you eat pizza left in the box on the counter for several days, but
if that babe you met at the laundromat asks, you fed it to the dog.
And if your girlfriend catches you looking, you were thinking how
trashy the cashier's super-short skirt makes her look. No way were
you checking her out; you would never date a girl like that!
I
hate to tell you, gentlemen, but women see right through us. They
know the truth -- no matter how hard we deny it. Why not just admit
it, get it out of the way, and go on with life? The fact of the
matter is, once you admit most stereotypes about men are true, you
find yourself empowered! You can be a man - and be yourself --
without being ashamed!
Women
talk about self-empowerment all the time. Women "reclaim"
everything from their bodies to their sexuality. It's OK to expect
being treated like a queen and multiple orgasms. That's what Cosmo
says being a woman is about, after all, so far be it for any man to
deny those rights. Meanwhile, men spend the vast majority of their
lives denying things they do and like (at least to anyone they feel
wouldn't approve - mostly women, especially hot ones).
When
you can not only admit the fact that men are unique creatures -
pigs, to the unsympathetic -- but embrace that, the fun truly begins!
No more denying that you eat foods directly from the can (sometimes
nearly igniting the labels by heating directly on the burners of the
stove). You can proudly proclaim that stretched-out Fruit of the
Looms are, in fact, what you should wear in the living room while
watching the XFL. (And, dammit, those cheerleaders are talented!)
I
don't know when I personally came to accept the fact that I am a
pig. Perhaps it was while using the "sniff test" to
determine whether or not I could wear a particular pair of socks to
the gym a third time in a row. Maybe it was when I decided I really
do think it's funny to have gas so nauseating it makes others gag
when I refuse to roll down the car window. Add to that mix the fact
that I firmly believe in the "five second rule" (admit it,
you all do!), and I have all the classic markings.
And
I run this website. That probably speaks for itself.
If
you're reading this, there's a good chance that you might be a pig,
too. Sure, our content is unique and, at times, pretty damn funny.
But it's also laced with some of the most beautiful women you'll find
anywhere in entertainment, and that's quite likely what draws you in.
Instead
of toggling between our site and the American Heart Association
site, in hopes that the new blonde in the cube next door might think
you're a philanthropist, read our cover stories with wild abandon.
Study our "MVP of the Week" like the NASDAQ.
As
I sit here in my a pair of boxers, tube socks with a hole in the
right toe, and drinking a beer, I implore you to do the right thing.
Admit to who and what you are. Don't hide it any more. Admit you like
to read about sexy women and how to get them in bed! What's wrong
with that? You are, after all, only a man. Stand up. Be proud. And
repeat after me.
"Oink."
Now
don't you feel better?
--PEP
YourMVP
Editor-in-Chief
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