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Humming the XMas Blues or "Chestnuts Roasting?"

Try These Holiday Gift Ideas to Jumpstart Your Honey's Christmas Spirit...


Pick Gifts She'll Love . . . and That Will Get Her to Pass That Lovin' Feelin' on to You! 

What do women want for the holidays? More specifically, what can you give a woman that will make her want to wake you up in the morning to the realization that no, you aren't dreaming? She is, in fact, doing that thing with her tongue that makes you crazy!

The easiest way to approach the age old dilemma of what to buy a woman for the holidays may be to look at what women don't want first.



This ought to be a gimme, but no appliances. If it has to be plugged in, requires batteries or a modem, women don't want it (from the guy they're sleeping with). Lisa, 31, said, "For Christmas, this guy I was dating got me an electronic veggie steamer and a box of Godiva chocolates. What the hell?! I was so confused. I didn't know if he thought I should lose weight or fatten up!"

Which bring us to a terrific rule of thumb: no chocolate. Does your girlfriend order a salad with dressing on the side and a Diet Coke? ("Tasting" all your chili cheese fries doesn't count--women know food has no calories when it's on someone else's plate.). Do not buy her candy at any cost. She'll eat them all (in one sitting) then blame you for being fat. No nookie for you.

Another lesson to adhere to, gentlemen, are the "No Thought Gifts." Here, your choice of gift reflects that you really didn't care what you got her, and hence, you don't care about her. Again, no sex for you! "No Thought Gifts" include gifts you originally bought for someone else and couldn't return so now your punk ass is going to give it to her. Don't think she won't recognize these, either. The generic box o'chocolates. The Bath and Body Shop lotion you could easily give to your mom, sister, or next door neighbor. Pam, 21, says, "I don't want the usual soap basket he found walking through the drugstore. Guys, put some damn thought in your gifts!"

Another bad and noteworthy gift-giving tactic is The Repo Gift. According to Kat, 36, nothing is more offensive. "I got a cute lingerie set and a watch from the guy I was dating at the time," she explains. "We broke up and he wanted his gifts back." Kat was up-in-arms. "I'm a good girl so I didn't understand what he meant," she says. "I've always thought a gift was a gift. I wasn't expecting my gifts to him back and he even owed me money." That loser didn't stop there, though. "He kept calling and driving by the house yelling, 'I want my fucking gifts back! Gimme my gifts back,'" Kat says. 

She gave them back. Most women wouldn't--and they shouldn't have to. If you give a gift, it's a gift. If you break up, consider it Break-up Tax and move on with your life.

So what do women want for Christmas? 

SEXY . . . YES! TACKY . . . NO! 

Buy her something sexy she'd never buy for herself. No crotchless, black lace, itchy ass, cheapie panties from Frederick's of Hollywood. Sexy, not tacky. "The trick is to get her something you want to see her in (or soon out of)," advises Lisa, 19. "Something sexy but not trampy, something that'll make her jaw drop and go, 'Boy, I'm not wearing that!' but you can tell she really wants to wear it."

An informal survey shows women will wear sexy, daring outfits--if you think luxurious. Women want stuff that makes them feel sexy. Think silk, cashmere, soft and sensual materials. Corsets and vinyl, even, if your woman finds that sexy. Shimmer and sparkles. Go with the color of jewels or wines. If you like the wild side, tiger and snake prints in silk work. "My boyfriend bought me this beautiful burgundy lace and silk negligee from the 40s in a vintage store," said Tonya, 29. "It was an awesome gift because I love vintage clothes and it's warm and silky. I love wearing it and it makes him all hot, too."

Anything that feels good coming on and sliiiiiiides right off is a fabulous gift and a great segue way to the bedroom. The sexier women feel, the more inclined they are to have it. 

Another sexy, indulgent gift is a bath set. Again, think luxurious and not the run-of-the-mill variety described before! Find out her favorite scent. If it's apple, pear or plum, you're not thinking hard enough. Think Allure by Chanel or Contradiction by Calvin Klein. (My bad, those are mine!) Something sensual and sexy, not the generic bath set you'd give your coworker in the office gift exchange. Luckily for you, you can buy cool bath sets at any Macy's or Nordstrom in less than 10 minutes, if speed is the necessity.


Jeannette, 28, says her best gift was a surprise Christmas vacation. "I was absolutely sure we were going to San Diego," she said. "The flight attendant announced we were going to Miami. I thought we were going to Florida until we changed planes. Then I thought, and I couldn't think anymore. I was too scared. I thought he was taking me to Antarctica because, before, I was stupid enough to tell him that I love him so much that I'll go there with him." The couple ended up spending a romantic vacation in Antigua.

Suzy, 24, said her best gift was an outing with her sweetie, too--but not the usual romantic retreat. "[We did] a dogsled outing in the Mountains of Wyoming," she revealed. The couple stopped at a real teepee and "had buffalo stew and hot cocoa for lunch." (I'm not making this up). While not a traditional romantic get-away, the couple bonded through a unique, shared experience.

If you're starting to panic about the expense of giving the gift of travel, you don't have to go far or pull out all the stops to give great gifts. Pam's favorite gift is one where her boyfriend at the time, surprised her with "a cute lil bouquet of wild flowers and roses in his freshly washed raggedy car." She says she was "freaking out" to know where they were going. He took her to a secluded pond and started to slow dance with her as one of her favorite songs played. The couple picnicked and had sparkling cider (Pam didn't drink!) as they "made up our own constellations as we laid under the stars." 

Perhaps a little too sweet for some, but the idea is that thought--not cost--is what matters most to a woman. 


Finally, the bomb-diggity, sure-fire gift. If you get none after this, she's: A) a selfish wench, B) going to dump you anyway, C) saving herself for marriage.

The gift certain to win the Now-There's-A-Real-Man Gift unanimously was named by Temple, 27, who tells about her ex-fiance. "He was famous for keeping track of when I would PMS and duct tape salt and vinegar potato chips and Pepsi to my sliding glass door. That was a damn good gift." Where can I find this guy?! Anyone who honors a woman's menstrual cycle is total cake in any book!

You don't have to be in tune with women's feminine cycles. The fact of the matter is, you need to know your woman and what makes her tick. Use that knowledge to give her the perfect gift for her. Women like to feel special in your eyes. And feeling special and appreciated is the absolute best aphrodisiac.

Written by: Mona Madry

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