up, if an animal was in this much pain, we tied them up in a trash
bag and attached the bag to the tailpipe of the Chevy pickup truck.
Put them out of their misery already!
things are very clear to me after Week 9 of the 2000 NFL season. The
first thing is that the San Diego Chargers still suck. Though they
played the Raiders well at home, it's clear they are the joke of the
NFL. At 0-8, this is the worst start of a season for this franchise.
Back where I
second thing that is very clear is that the Cleveland Browns suck.
Coach Chris Palmer thinks he can win games by playing Russian
roulette with his remaining quarterbacks, as if either Doug Pederson
or Spergon Wynn is going to rise above their ability to win. That's
like asking Katherine Hepburn to climb into the ring with Mike Tyson.
The Browns need help from the Chargers if they hope to repeat as the
Number 1 pick in the draft for the third straight year.
last thing that is clear to me is that Brian Billick is the most
clueless coach in the NFL. As if touting the skills of Tony Banks
weren't enough of a farce, now that the Ravens have entered a 5-game
touchdown slump, Billick has decided that Tampa Bay flunkee Trent
Dilfer is the answer. For a man heralded as an offensive genius, he
sure is being "thick." Why hasn't it occurred to Billick
that maybe there was a reason St. Louis and Tampa Bay didn't want
either of those guys (Banks or Dilfer, respectively)? Hello!?!?! They
suck! The longer Billick refuses to acknowledge that, the longer (I
predict) this offensive slump will continue.
usual, the following picks are for recreational purposes only. Don't
use my vast skills to make cash wagers (although I kicked ass last
week and made a bundle).
Bay at Atlanta: The Bucs are back on track after a big win at
home against the Vikings to snap a 4-game losing streak. Atlanta just
lacks all the power and finesse that made them so strong in '98.
Pick: Tampa Bay
at Chicago: The Colts got a big win against the Lions. The
Bears are back from a bye week without starting QB Cade McNown. Pick: Indianapolis
at Cincinnati: It would be so easy to say that the Ravens would
trounce the Bengals, but they can't do that if they don't score.
Corey Dillon is in a groove with over 400 yards in 2 games. Pick: Cincinnati
York Giants at Cleveland: Two of the most unimaginative offenses
in the NFL square off. This will be a defensive struggle, but the
patsy Browns will rollover, likely allowing the Giants to walk into
the end zone via penalties. Pick: New York
at Detroit: Dave Wannstadt has shaken off his tendency to drag
his team further into the toilet after a big loss, and he did it by
beating the Packers last week after a heart-breaking overtime loss to
the Jets that embarrassed the Dolphin defense. Lions QB Charlie Batch
is no Brett Favre, but the Packers didn't have James Stewart. Pick: Detroit
at Tennessee: After a nifty win against the Redskins, the Titans
return home against their Central division foe Steelers. Pittsburgh
QB Kordell Stewart announced he is returning to his original pocket
style . . . which basically means abandoning the pocket. Pick: Tennessee
at New England: After knocking off the Jets with a last second
field goal, the Bills appear to have straightened out their offensive
woes with QB Doug Flutie at the helm. That Pats return from a bye
week fresh and ready to win. Pick: Buffalo
Francisco at New Orleans: The Saints are suddenly one of the
hottest teams in the NFL behind the solid play of RB Ricky Williams
at the surprise consistency of QB Jeff Black. The 49ers boast the
league's second-rated passer in Jeff Garcia, though their defense is
woeful at best. Pick: New Orleans
at Philadelphia: A piece of advice to Cowboys GM Jerry Jones:
wake up and smell the concussion. Troy Aikman should be on the bench.
The poor Eagles can't seem to get it together minus Deuce Staley.
at Arizona: This game couldn't come at a better time for the
$100 million Redskins. If they can't buy their way into a win this
week, perhaps they can auction off some of their high priced talent
(and I use the term loosely) to help the Cardinals pay for their new
stadium. Pick: Washington
City at Oakland: This could be a playoff game in the making for
these two division rivals. Oakland is playing hot now that John
Gruden and QB Rich Gannon have figured out how to get along.
Meanwhile, the Chiefs are hot behind the outstanding play of their
defense and special teams, and don't forget, they are the only team
to beat up the Rams. Pick: Kansas City
at New York Jets: After being arrested for DUI, the Broncos
management has cut off the IV bottle of Jack Daniels that runs into
QB Brian Griese's helmet. The Jets and QB Vinny Testaverde hope to
bounce back from a tough loss to the Bills. Pick: New York
Diego at Seattle: It's hard to root for either team here, simply
because they both suck so bad. San Diego needs a complete
housecleaning, but Seattle has the tools to win . . . they just
aren't using them (hint: put John Kitna back in at QB). Pick: Seattle
at St. Louis: The only thing worse than playing the Rams is
playing the Rams in St. Louis, where they OWN their opponents the
last two seasons. The Panthers will try to bounce back from a close
loss to Atlanta, though if they can't beat the Falcons, why bother
showing up against the Rams? Pick: St. Louis
at Green Bay: OK, so my "homeboy" isn't perfect, but
the suspect defensive secondary of the Vikings clearly needs to
regroup after giving up 3 TDs to second-year man Shaun King in Tampa.
The Packers have made mediocre an art form. Pick: Minnesota
Jacksonville Jaguars have the week off.
week's picks: 10-4 (Overall: 39-29)
The Roman, a
salute to the deceased sports journalist "Jimmy the Greek,"
is a periodic columnist at YourMVP.net